Office of the Gods - Episode Two
IT Support
"HOW DOES SHE ACCESS HER PRAYERS AND PETITIONS?" The voice sounded like it was composed of a chorus of hundreds, though hearing any single voice would make you laugh, cry, or gag.
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Doug chewed on his cigar, the mouth full of teeth resembling yellowed jagged crockery. How the cylinder of tobacco survived the process was uncertain. "We're runnin’ Petitioner 5000. You click on the icon that looks like clasped hands and you should see them there." Thick fingered hands touched the screen, moving past icons that looked like harps, skulls, and a typewriter. "Give it a second." He thumped on the side of a box resting on the floor with his foot. It gave out some high-pitched angry squawks. "The imps get a little testy this late in the day." After a few seconds, the display sorted itself out and a short list of prayers filled the top quarter of the screen.
"HER THANKS TO YOU, GREMLIN." The being called Susan crossed her legs and assumed a lotus posture in midair.
"That's racist. I've got a name." He tapped the tag adhered to a dingy black tee shirt. The symbols weren't from any human language.
The hooded head turned and somehow seemed to squint. "SORRY, DOUG. SHE IS NOT USED TO INTERACTING."
"No problem. In my business, you get a thick skin, or you get dead." He stepped back from the setup on the desk. "You got all the supplies you should need. There's a sheaf of vellum, quills, pot of ink, bones of a dragon, roast-it notes, and a stapler. You want anything else there's a form you can fill out. Get settled in and let us know how we can help ya." He was about to leave the cubicle when he stopped and turned back. "Just a little advice. Your neighbor three cubes down was a popular love god on some backwater dimension. He can get a little handsy."
"THANK YOU, DOUG." Susan looked through her list of prayers and began playing the audio files. Screeching moans that would have come from shredded throats of anything human filled the air.
"You, uh, might want to get some headphones. Just as courtesy." He left the cube and shook his head. "They never go over that in orientation."